What to Do When Someone With PTSD Pushes You Away
Living with or loving someone who has post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) comes with unique challenges. One of the most painful PTSD symptoms for families and partners is emotional withdrawal. Your loved one may suddenly shut down, stop communicating, or even push you away completely. These moments can leave you feeling rejected, confused, or hurt — wondering if you did something wrong.
The truth is, this behavior is rarely about you. Post-traumatic stress disorder relationships are often shaped by the brain’s need to stay safe. Withdrawal is a trauma response, a way of avoiding situations that feel overwhelming. Learning what to do when someone with PTSD pushes you away can help you respond with compassion while protecting your own well-being.
Why People With PTSD Push Loved Ones Away
Understanding the “why” makes the “what to do” easier. When a person with PTSD withdraws, it’s usually because of:
It’s a symptom, not rejection
Withdrawal is a classic coping mechanism in PTSD. It’s not a lack of love — it’s their mind and body trying to survive.
Triggers and avoidance
PTSD often comes with unpredictable triggers. Everyday sounds, smells, or memories can overwhelm the nervous system. Pulling back creates a sense of safety.
Fight, flight, or freeze
When trauma is reactivated, the body reacts as if danger is still present. “Flight” often looks like distancing from the people they care about most.
💡 Validation for you: Feeling rejected in these moments is normal. But remind yourself: relationship challenges with PTSD often come from fear, not from a lack of love.
What You Can Do in the Moment
When your loved one pulls away, it can feel like a test of patience. Here are practical ways to help:
- Stay calm and patient
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- Why: Elevated emotions can escalate the situation.
- Example: Breathe slowly, keep your voice gentle, and avoid pressing them for answers.
- Respect their boundaries
- Why: Respecting caregiver boundaries and theirs communicates safety.
- Example: Say, “I see you need space right now. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
- Use clear, simple communication
- Why: Long or emotional speeches can feel overwhelming.
- Example: Instead of, “Why do you always push me away?” try, “I care about you and I’m not going anywhere.”
- Offer low-pressure support
- Why: Vague offers can feel insincere. Specific support is easier to accept.
- Example: “Would you like me to bring dinner tonight, or would you rather some quiet time?”
👉 These are practical communication tips for PTSD relationships: short, calm, and focused on reassurance rather than solutions.
Long-Term Ways to Support Them
PTSD healing isn’t quick. Building trust requires consistency over time.
Build emotional safety
Be predictable and follow through. Small commitments, like calling when you say you will, strengthen security.
Encourage professional PTSD treatment
The most effective therapies include:
- CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): Helps reframe trauma-related thoughts.
- EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Reduces the emotional impact of trauma memories.
- Trauma-informed care: Creates an environment where safety and empowerment guide treatment.
Educate yourself
Understanding PTSD symptoms and coping with PTSD strategies reduces frustration. Read credible resources, attend workshops, or explore PTSD support groups for families.
💡 Validation for you: Learning about trauma isn’t just for your loved one. It helps you feel less powerless in the face of withdrawal.
What Not to Do
Sometimes the best way to help is by avoiding certain behaviors.
- Don’t force conversations — they need to open up in their own time.
- Don’t personalize their withdrawal — it’s about trauma, not about you.
- Don’t give ultimatums — demands create shame and fear, not closeness.
👉 Remember: relationship challenges with PTSD can feel personal, but they are driven by survival instincts.
Caring for Yourself While Supporting Them
Supporting a loved one with PTSD can be draining. If you neglect yourself, you’ll burn out.
Set caregiver boundaries
Know your limits. Protecting your mental health ensures you can continue supporting a loved one with PTSD.
Practice self-care for caregivers
Movement, rest, creative hobbies, or mindfulness practices help you recharge.
Seek PTSD support groups
Groups for partners and caregivers create connection and reduce isolation. Hearing “me too” from others helps normalize your struggles.
💡 Realistic caregiver advice: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Supporting someone with PTSD means making space for your own healing, too.
When to Seek Professional Help
Sometimes PTSD creates daily challenges that require more than patience.
- If symptoms cause constant emotional withdrawal, anger, or self-destructive behaviors, professional support is crucial.
- Encourage therapy for PTSD gently: “Would you feel open to trying a session with someone who understands trauma?”
- Offer to accompany them: sometimes sitting in the waiting room communicates more support than words.
- Don’t forget yourself — therapy can help you cope with your own stress and pain as a caregiver.
Resources You Can Rely On
If you or your loved one need immediate or long-term support, here are trusted resources:
- NIMH – PTSD Resources: National Institute of Mental Health
- VA PTSD Support: U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs
- SAMHSA Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) – Free, confidential, 24/7 support for mental health and substance use.
Scripts You Can Use When Someone With PTSD Pushes You Away
Sometimes in the moment, it’s hard to find the right words. These ready-to-use scripts can help you respond with compassion, patience, and boundaries.
When They Withdraw or Go Silent
“I can see you need some space right now. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
“I understand this is overwhelming. I’ll give you time, and I’ll check in later.”
When You Feel Rejected or Hurt
“This feels hard for me, but I know it’s your PTSD talking — not how you really feel about me.”
“I care about you deeply. Even when you pull away, I’m not taking it as rejection.”
When You Want to Offer Support
“Would you like me to stay with you quietly, or would you prefer alone time?”
“I’m here if you want to talk, and I’ll listen without judgment.”
When Encouraging Professional Help
“I’ve read that therapy like CBT and EMDR can help a lot with PTSD. Would you feel open to trying it?”
“If it helps, I can go with you to your first appointment. You don’t have to do this alone.”
When Caring for Yourself
“I love you, but I also need some time to recharge. I’ll be back in an hour.”
“I need to take care of my own stress, too, so I can keep supporting you.”
💡 Tip: Scripts are not magic fixes, but they give you a starting point. Adjust them to your voice and relationship. The goal is to communicate safety, respect, and consistency.
Call to Action: Finding Help at Safe & Sound
At Safe & Sound, we know how painful it feels when PTSD creates distance between you and someone you love. Our trauma-informed care programs are built to support both the person experiencing PTSD and the families who stand beside them.
Whether you’re searching for professional PTSD treatment or simply need guidance on how to cope, we’re here to help. Healing from trauma is possible, and you don’t have to walk the recovery journey alone.
📞 Call Safe & Sound today to learn more about our evidence-based programs and family support services.
